Look For The Union Label

I was reading the esteemed opinions of those interviewed by The Onion, regarding the split of the Teamsters and the SEIU from the AFL-CIO, and it seems to me about time to get rid of unions, period. We either have good laws and fair labor practices in the good ol’ US of A, or we don’t. I have to hold two or three jobs at any time, just to pay the loan shark for the loan against my van and so I can send alimony to my ex-wives! Geesh! If you go to school and get an education, then you have skills to earn more than minimum wage. If you are a stupid blonde, too busy drinking and screwing, then you deserve your job at the mall. In fact, the mall may be too good for you, baby! Why not capitalize on what you’re good at and become a professional surrogate mother? (Just don’t tell Mr. and Mrs. Jones that you were drunk for 8 months of the pregnancy! That might change the way they think of their “special” new baby.)

And, to be fair to the failed high school jock who beats his wife when he drinks and realizes how society is to blame for all the bad decisions he made, do you really think that some company should pay you high wages to drive a forklift, and give you a lifetime guaranteed job? Get real! You are worthless to society, and your family hates you. Do us all a favor and step out into traffic.

I am sick of protectionist, isolationist idiots who think America can compete anymore. Union labor doesn’t produce better goods, just more expensive crap. And, don’t get me wrong. There are engineers and firemen and teachers who do a great job. But, they should earn their job, and keep it by consistantly doing a good job… not because some union will use its’ muscle to keep their members employed through collective threatening. I lose jobs all the time. I basically suck as an employee. I deserve to be fired when I come to work in my bathing suit, smelling of Jack Daniels! Maybe I should start a union of drunk, crazy fuckers who live in vans down by the river! I’m sure we’d all benefit from that!

Geesh! Unions are an antiquated artifact, left over from the robber baron days. Americans may deserve some improved labor regulations, revised standards and practices, but forcing someone to join a union to work at the 7-11 is crazy. And, I know crazy! If you love Unions so much, why don’t you and Unions get a room! In fact, why don’t you go to some third-world nation, or China, and start up a union for children who work in some Nike factory making the jogging shoes that you just “had to have?” If we remain a scared, childish, protectionist nation, then we only hurt ourselves. It hurts our economy to increase tarrifs unilaterally. We cannot affect change globally by threatening trade barriers. We need to find a way to raise the quality of life for people around the world. Then, if the programmer in India is better and cheaper, but he is being treated fairly and his pay is reasonable where he lives, then hire him. I don’t care. People in the good ol’ US of A need to learn NEW skills, and not just expect the world to hire them based on some certificate they earned in 1972. YOU have the responsibility of doing what it takes to keep yourself gainfully employed! Look up the word accountibility in the dictionary. Try pulling up your pants, and putting down the Boone’s Farm for a change. Use the restroom at the corner Texaco and clean yourself up and interview for a new job. Nobody owes you a job. Life ain’t supposed to be easy, and it sure as Hell ain’t fair.