Smokers, Democrats and The Cowboys… Oh, My!

Well, I have three things to complain about. The Democrats, The Cowboys and weak-willed-weenies. (Yes, I’ve knocked a few back today, watching sports with the boys, like a real man.)

First off, this Howie Dean fellow is running for President. He is having a rally in Iowa, while the rest of us “Real Americans” are trying to watch football. What kind of self-centered person makes his supporters show up on a Sunday during NFL playoffs? Listen, God rested on the seventh day, and politicians who campaign on a Sunday so far away from the election deserve to lose. This Dean guy doesn’t even have a neck. He has been the front-runner of negative nellies running in the Democrat pack this year, and I hope he loses. I don’t think Mr. Bush is any Einstein, but all the Democrats have been able to run on “ever” has been why you “shouldn’t” vote for the other guy. How about some positive plan for America? This voting for the lesser of two evils has to end. Maybe a Dem will break out of the pack and show a vision for America, instead of empty promises. Otherwise, Dr. Grouchy is going to have to vote for the Socialist Party one more time. Hey. At least they are honest about their platform and don’t treat their constituents like total morons.

Well, my next problem is with the Cowboys. Actually, the NFC in general. The NFC is always tauted as being such a superior football power, and the AFC is treated like the bastard step-child. Speaking as someone who has many bastard step-children in many ports around the world, I take umbrage with the treatment of the AFC. In fact, I think the AFC is underrated and unfairly given a bad rap. Maybe the NFC isn’t composed of big brutal “popular” teams, like the Bears or the Packers or the Raiders… but hey, the Cowboys suck and that’s that. Now, let’s hope the Patriots win the Superbowl and shut the NFC fans up, once and for all.

So, I guess I reckon the NFC is a bunch of smoking, Wal-Mart frequenting, Democrats. They are always thinking they “deserve” something they haven’t earned. Always waiting to be bailed out, when they fail to take personal responsibility for what they do. Always wanting the cheapest sweatpants and the cheapest, throat rending cigarettes.

Why do so many people smoke? They tend to be poor people, let’s face it. They also tend to be uneducated and ugly. Remember what smoking did to Kramer?? Yep. Can you spell c-o-n-s-p-i-r-i-c-y? (If you can, you probably aren’t a smoker.) Most smokers have given hope up of ever accomplishing anything in life, and expect their “savior” Presidential candidate to save their flabby asses. [If save means keeping “We Love Raymond” on the air.] They don’t dress up to travel on airplanes anymore. And, they think that anyone who is offended by smokers is just being prissy. I happen to have a medical condition that makes my lungs sieze up when they have to breath smoke. Am I a second class citizen? Why should peanuts be banned from airplanes, but most every restaurant still be afraid to ban smoking?? It’s all a myth, that they will lose too many customers. In fact, I think most diners are NOT smokers. Most diners would be fine to not smoke during a meal. If they had to wait, they would learn to. It is a habit they could break, but my habit of wanting to breath is a really tough one to get over. Stop being so selfish! Smokers epitomize the selfish, irresponsible people in America. They epitomize the typical Democrat. Give me my health-care. Give me my free cheese. Give me my drugs and condoms. Start expecting “nothing” from anyone else, learn to speak English, and if you don’t like it, stop complaining and do something about it.

Smokers need to smoke in private, just like I can’t play my Neil Diamond loudly in the hood at 4 AM. Stop wanting to save the rainforests and baby seals, if you aren’t going to give a fuck about the guy choking next to your table at the Country Kitchen!

Democrats need to stop slinging mud and stop crying foul and propose something that will make America great. Sure, I am not happy with everything going on in Washington today, but it’s one thing to be disapointed and quite another to vote for some no-neck salesman just because he isn’t George Bush. Wah! Wah! Wah! Here’s a vision for ya… Steal Bush’s thunder… instead of sending men to the Moon and Mars… send astronauts to that planet from Star Trek with all the green chicks. Now James T. Kirk, he would be a great President!

And, the NFC needs to become the red-headded-stepchild for a decade or two, then maybe they can be humble and I’ll give a damn about them either! If my dislike of the NFC is anything like how other countries dislike America, for being self-centered and arrogant, then I sympathize, and on behalf of America, “I’m sorry.”

Enough grousing, time to take my own prescription and make a difference. This week I pledge to shampoo my carpets. Yes, the cat pee wasn’t my fault, but what am I going to do? Just sitting around in my lazy chair, complaining that it’s the cat’s fault won’t make my house smell any better!