No Love For The Grouchy

Most of what I do seems to amount to ranting and raving. Well, let me start off this week with an apology to the Brucia family in Florida. When I wrote about the Mormon who abducted the 11-year old girl, I did not yet know of her fate. Police have since captured the suspect, no doubt with the help of my posting the culprit’s visage on my website. If he indeed killed the little girl, hanging him by his balls and feeding him to small sharks, while simultaneously covering him in honey and letting African Killer bees swarm on him would be too kind.

There’s not much new in the news this week. I often search the web, far-and-wide, for the special sort of news and gossip that my readers seek so desperately. You’ve probably grown tired of the Janet Jackson Boob Scandal. And, you’ve probably already seen the shot of Miss Piggy baring pork-flesh in an attempt to capitalize on the brouhaha…

Of course, today is Valentine’s Day. As you can see, even Google is getting into the act. (No, not Booble, though that’s an easy mistake to make!)

A disgusting display of crass-commercialism. This is a holiday wasted on the young and you have two types of people that fall for it. The same morons who buy into the gift and greeting card craze for EVERY holiday that comes along. And there are quite a few! And the other type of person is the mushy, tree-hugging romantic that feels the need to show wanton public displays of affection with their love on the subway, or across from Dr. Grouchy when he’s trying to eat his Big Mac in peace and quiet. Put your tounge back in your own mouth and stop it. Now!

Maybe it’s the fact that Dr. Grouchy isn’t quite the ladies man you may expect him to be. It’s of my own choosing, mind you. I think it is all silly. If a man really wants a woman, he’ll pay for it, just like my father did, and his father before him. (We can assume, because he never knew his father.) Anyway, the point is, stop believing that you have to buy roses
and diamonds and just do something you enjoy and be a good person, or the best you can be, year round. Not when the person that you never speak to at the office… who always brings in balloons for birthdays, and who feels like scheduling group hugs, or who pries into your personal life and asks, “How are you doing today?” When that person gives you and every other person in the office a little Valentine’s Day card. You don’t have to buy
into it. Even if you might have thought that it was from a secret admirer, and you got a little flushed and excited, until you opened the card and saw that it was the same thing the guy who works next to you and picks his nose and never washes his hair got.

That’s right. Don’t be a sucker. It’s all just a ploy to get your money. I’m sure that there’s some Greeting Card King sitting in his fancy house, counting his money and laughing that someone fooled you into thinking that someone could ever love someone like you. Plus, the over-commercialization stuff I said. Well, I see by my redneck Palm Pilot, that I have to go and get drunk before my Valentine’s date tonight. I’d better remember to stop by the ATM and take out some cash too, and get it changed into singles….