Go On Miss Janet

[If all you’re looking for is nudity… Shame on you! Click here. And Here. And Here.]

Well, Excuse ME! I thought that football tournaments were supposed to focus on the majesty of the “game”. Two teams of titans pitted against one another, as gladiators locked in a mortal battle. The slap of pigskin, the thunder of linesmen and the pinnacle of athleticism. AND YET, it seems that Super Bowl XXXVIII was less about the peak of perfection and more about peeking at JANET JACKSON’S metal encrusted teat!

Let me not be distracted from describing what was a spectacularly exciting last 5 minutes of Super Bowl XXXVIII… BUT, come on, MTV generates hype over the half-time show and promises something “spectacular” and what do you expect? Can Justin Timberlake truly top his Ex, Brittney Spears, who stuck her tounge down Madonna’s throat during last year’s 2003 MTV Music Awards?? There was certainly a much larger audience as the gyrating pop-sensation helped Miss Jackson’s clothings malfunction.

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Was it just a “sneak peek” though?? NO. Certainly Not! It was an unabashed, full-on, BREAST BARING to end all breast barings. JANET exposed her electroplated nipple for the world to gawk at. And what was up with that? A pasty? No, my children, surely not! It was indeed some sort of metalic medalion afixed to the mammary! Was this some horific torture device? Perhpas surgery by her brother Michael’s plastic surgeon gone terribly awry? OR, perhaps she was planning on this coming out party and just decided to dress for the occasion!

Whatever the case, and whatever the excuse, the children of America are terribly scarred for life, and must now undergo years of therapy for having been forced to see……. A NIPPLE! If only we could return to those happy-go-lucky years gone by when no one wore underwear on the outside of their clothes. When womanly virtue was hidden beneath a Victorian hoop-skirt, and a racy show of skin was catching a glimpse of an ankle….

As a TRUE AMERICAN, I am outraged. We shield our nipples in this country. This isn’t FRANCE, after all. Our children gather once a year, to watch the Super Bowl. This is supposed to be an atheletic event where MANLY MEN gather on a GREAT GRIDIRON to decide who has the BEST FOOTBALL TEAM in the WORLD, through a wholesome, bone-crushing, offensive as one team ASSAULTS another in a SAVAGE and MANLY display of SPORTS! And what does MTV turn it into?? A SEX-FILLED ostentatious display of SINGING and BOOBS! For shame, MTV…. For shame! Instead of a gridiron, our children are fixated, pie-eyed, oggling JANET JACKSON’S GLANDIRON!! – For shame! I can appreciate a day of indoctrinating our children in the pastime of BEER, PIZZA, HOT WINGS and BLOOD & GORE… But… A breast?? MTV, have you no decency??

Well, this spectacle ranks right up there with the Brittney/Madonna Kiss, and the Michael/Lisa Marie forced-kiss. It was a PURE MTV MARKETING PLOY, as sure as my name is Dr. Grouchy, Ph.D. Janet Jackson has now truly reached the ultimate level of infamy, previously reserved only for the likes LaToya and Michael. Is it a desperate attempt to inflate her waning career, or a sign of the impending Apocolypse? What, oh what, will MTV think of next? I put nothing past them! And, will our nation have a time of HEALING? Will we ever be able to watch a half-time show again, without covering our eyes?? I for one cannot wait until Super Bowl XXXVIV to find out!

Notice: Dr. Grouchy dot com posts these images ONLY for the further edification of our audience and for the enhancement of education and acurate potification on newsworthy items! Dr. Grouchy does not pander to the masses and post sexy images or sensationalize items for his own benefit! (Images courtesy Matt Drudge.)